Measuring Up

Holidays offer a wonderful opportunity to watch humans. To notice the little differences between them and sometimes the staggering chasms that separate us.
 This morning, poolside, the first of these daily revelations occurred. 
Before we left the chilly shores of Blighty, my nine-year old daughter persuaded me to procure a ‘three piece mermaid bathing costume’. This comprises a pair of electric pink Lycra scallop shells stitched into a skimpy string bikini with a choice of, either, scaly iridescent turquoise bikini bottoms or a matching whole TAIL, complete with flippers, (which of these you opt for depends largely on how much attention you want to grab at the pool.) Despite concerns about how easy it might be to drown with her legs bound together in a tube of shiny Lycra, I knew that at her age I would have happily sold a kidney for such a lurid wardrobe essential, and so by the power of eBay, it dropped through our letter box just in time for our exotic island holiday. I secretly believed that she would be too self-conscious to disport herself in full Ariel regalia anyway, so to my surprise, first thing this morning, at the ‘quiet pool’, watched by a score of amused middle-aged hotel guests, here she is, glittering under the dazzling African sun, flapping about like Daryl Hannah’s body double in Splash.
Then, enter Sensible Family. Their lovely, respectable little girl complete with a pair of tidy French plaits and a one-mil layer of SPF, proceeds to don a one-piece cozzy, then a full rash suit on top of that (matching). She gingerly descends the pool steps wearing goggles, neoprene surf shoes (with rugged-hi-grip rubber soles) and carrying the kind of buoyancy aid that I’ve only ever seen on Baywatch. 
Her mummy might have one less spare tyre than me, but I think the battle of the mums has just begun, and I’m one point in front.

#peoplewatching #mermaids #poolholiday #ebaybargains #competetivemum

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